Deadtroll.com News, March 28, 2003

BUSH TURNS IN CARDS FOR 35 ARMIES

George Bush turned in his cards for 35 armies today, even though he only had 3 cards.  "I saw Saddam sitting there with 4 cards, and I thought... hell, I've got a matching set and the guy's been a real prick tonight. if I can take him out of the game and get his cards, I can probably control Asia."

George has so far amassed over 20 armies in the middle East, but he's taking a big risk trying for Asia.

"George doesn't even have all of North America or Europe.  Plus, he's enemies with almost everyone except Tony and Johnny, and they don't control squat.  If he screws this up, he's gonna get eaten for sure,"  said war correspondent and Wednesday-Risk-Night host Robbie Kowalchuk, "I mean, sure, if he can roll sixes all the way through Asia, then maybe, but even then he's gonna have enemy fronts from Africa, Europe, and North America to deal with... if you ask me, it's a logistical nightmare and a pretty stupid gamble.  Of course, as soon as I told him that and he was all like, 'We're not friends anymore'. What a baby."

Fellow player Jean agrees, "I mean, Jaques is next and it's obvious he's just going to sit back and watch the battle, then come in and clean up by eating both George and Saddam. What a moron."

George, who was only invited to Risk Night because he was the only one who could afford to bring beer, has also leveled charges of unfair "table talk" between Jaques and Saddam, citing a possible alliance between those two and the red army led by Vladimir - who controls most of Northern Asia from Irkutsk to the Ukraine.